“Get out…” Kame whispered, “Get the hell out. I want you out” he said, voice rising with each word.

“Kame –”

“Get OUT!”  was the scream that Ueda heard before a door slammed. He could hear silence for a long time before an unmistakable sound of a frustrated sound and Kame crying reached Ueda’s ears, even thousands of miles away from the younger man.

It felt like an eternity but was mere seconds later, that Kame picked up the phone again and said a scratchy, “Sorry about Tat-chan, what were you saying?” he said in a deceivingly bright voice that would have fooled anyone but Ueda.

“Kame”

“The guys just came to…well, it was something to do with work” Kame continued brightly, “Nothing for you to worry about; so you’re at that tower now?” he said and Ueda marveled at Kame’s ability to remember exactly what they had been talking about before they had been interrupted.

“Kame”

“You should take pictures of the tower – and send them to me” Kame said, cutting Ueda off.

“Kame!”

The younger man fell silent.

“What’s going on?” Ueda whispered, “I heard what happened, you were screaming and crying, and Kame, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing…big” Kame whispered back, “You shouldn’t worry about it Tat-chan”

“Kame” Ueda said, quickly falling back in the routine of drawing the truth out of Kame and he was surprised at how easy it was to do this again.

“…at the upcoming concerts…” Kame said slowly with a sigh and Ueda could imagine him lying down somewhere, looking up at the ceiling and Ueda waited for the younger man to continue, “I’ve told them that I won’t do it…”

“Do what?” Ueda was almost afraid to hear the answer, wondering what the other members of KAT-TUN were trying to make Kame do that would invoke such a reaction.

“I won’t perform Heartbreak Club without you”

It was whispered so quietly that Ueda was almost sure he had heard wrong, and his heart suddenly felt like it was torn into two directions. One was anger and fear, that he was being replaced in his absence. The other was a joyful feeling, that Kame refused to replace him that easily, and Ueda found himself speechless and he could only smile even though Kame couldn’t see him.

The cold wind blew at him again and despite that, Ueda felt suddenly warm, happy that he wasn’t so easily replaced to Kame, who had believed he could do this to the end from the very start.

Realizing that he was missed by the one person who knew why he was in England in the first place, made Ueda smile a little brighter as the nervousness and fear that had him unwilling to cross the ocean ebbed away just a little bit.

Maybe, as long as he knew that he wouldn’t be forgotten so easily, he could continue on and not fear having nowhere to turn to even if he didn’t find that belonging.

Maybe…he needed to push on forward, giving it a chance no matter how slim.

Maybe he just needed to do something, just once, for himself and leave no regrets behind.

Maybe that was what he needed; maybe that was what he was desperately looking for.

He could only hope.

---

Here he was—his last and final resort.  This was it.  If this final attempt at happiness didn’t turn out the way he was hoping it would, he wouldn’t know what to turn to anymore.  Surely, he would be lost.  And if it just so happened to turn out that way, perhaps he was never meant to find happiness.

A cloud of fog hung heavily over the quiet, sleeping city.  Ueda’s eyes were shining with unexplainable tears that were evoked from the unbearable feelings of nostalgic yet utter happiness it was experiencing despite the weighted lump in his throat.  He crossed his fingers, shut his eyes as tight as he possibly could, took a deep, chilling breath that, and dialed the number with a flick of his finger.

His heart became a loud, pulsing beat in his head as the sound of the ringing phone echoed in his head and across the line.  Finally, after a long, torturous while, there was the familiar silence as the other person picked up.  A rush of intense relief washed through him as soon as he heard the other voice speaking his name softly.  It was so soft that it almost sounded sad—Ueda cringed at this realization but nothing could take away the joy and elation he felt at that moment in time. 

“Ueda,” Kame whispered like a gentle owl’s coo in the silence of the foggy night.

“Kame…” Ueda replied, tranquility echoing in his voice.  He was sure now, completely certain with every fiber of his being as his eyes fluttered open and he took in the vast expanse of the starry sky.

“Ueda…how are you doing?” Kame asked warily, like he was afraid to hear the answer.

Ueda smiled to himself for the millionth time as a hot tear slid down his cheek.  More tears spilled out as he shut his eyes.  His vision was filled with Kame—imagining him in his room surrounded by warm, comforting darkness and drawing a ragged breath.

“I’ve finally found my happiness, Kame,” Ueda confessed weakly as his voice broke with a strong surge of overwhelming emotions.

There was an empty, frightening silence on the other line.

“Kame?”

“Th-that’s…wow…so you really did, huh?” That’s really amazing…” Kame whispered so softly his voice was nearly lost in the wind that whistled tonelessly around where Ueda was standing.  Ueda sniffled away his tears and wiped his eyes with a soft smile still on his face – it was for the sensations of bliss and contentment that he was tearing up, not because he felt any bit of sadness.  It seemed to have just washed away overnight.  But to be more exact, it had instantly faded away when he finally figured out this was the place he needed to be—he knew it was the truth; he simply knew he belonged here.

“You…Ueda are you going to…” Kame began quietly.  But he was interrupted by another prolonged silence.

“Am I going to what?” Ueda chuckled slightly, not really sure how to react.

“Are you going to…” Kame paused again like he was fighting a huge internal battle with himself, “…come back?”

The last few words were so soft that they were barely even audible and Ueda felt like his insides were being torn out the way Kame’s voice broke as he said those final words. Ueda drew in a shaky breath and spoke right into the receiver:

“Yeah, Kame, I’m completely sure this is where I was meant to find happiness…I don’t think I’ll ever leave this place…”

He heard an audible sob escape from Kame’s voice, breaking the dark silence.

“Kame…please…don’t cry…” Ueda soothed, his eyes falling shut and his heart a mess.  Kame’s tears, Kame’s thoughts, and Kame’s pain seared through him like a poisonous arrow, making his hand numb from being overwhelmed.  He hadn’t planned to hurt Kame like this.  No.  No, never in a million years would he intentionally bring tears to Kame’s eyes.  He wanted to always be there for him, to be his best friend, and his confidante.

“I’m not crying,” Kame croaked and made a choking noise, swallowing his hiccups and doing an extremely terrible job at hiding his overflowing emotions.

“I’m just so happy for you that tears are coming out,” he added awkwardly.  Ueda stayed quiet, too exhausted and overwhelmed to utter a single word.  He just wanted Kame to smile again, wanted to help Kame to find the happiness that he had finally found.  He wanted Kame to be his usual bright, happy self again.

“Well guess what, Kame.  At least we know you were right~!  I found my place in the world… a place I belong,” Ueda whispered.

Another strangled noise from Kame reached Ueda’s ears.

“I-I have to go,” Kame choked out, “can I call you back?” His voice was reduced to fragmented sobs.  Clutching his phone with anticipation and fear, Ueda nodded blindly—and when he realized that Kame couldn’t see him nodding through the phone, he said “Of course” in a tiny scared voice.

Then the line went dead and he felt his heart sink into his stomach.

As soon as he heard the dial one, Ueda snapped the phone shut and slid it clumsily into his back pocket, suddenly breaking into a furious dash towards the apartment across the street.  He flew up the stairs and in his hurry, tripped over a couple steps and bruised his knees; he slammed open the front door, stormed his way down the dark hallway, and nearly smashed open the closed door that led to the bedroom.

And there, in the tiny, dark room filled with pictures and overflowing with memories, sat Kame curled into a ball in the corner.  Small lights outside and the speckles of stars let bits of glowing rays filter through the screened door.

The void instantly disappeared, fading away from his heard as soon as his eyes fell across Kame’s all-too-familiar form.  That face—the features were broken and sad but everything about him was gentle and embracing and graceful.  The lights reflected against the tears shining on his cheeks as they slid down, down across his pale face.  Ueda felt his heart being ripped in two again: happiness and crushing relief at finally being reunited with the person he cared most about in the entire world on one hand and sorrow, heartbreak and regret at hurting said person on the other hand.

Ueda needed no words.

He simply glided effortlessly to the corner, locked his gaze with Kame’s teary-eyed, surprised one, and crushed the trembling, frail body against his chest in an embrace of death.  As soon as Kame fit perfectly into Ueda’s arms, he reached out and clasped his arms around Ueda’s frame, pulling them both closer to each other and burying his head into the other’s shoulders.  His hands were clinging onto Ueda for dear life.  Sobs shook from inside him and hiccups choked their way out of his throat.  Ueda’s own eyes were brimming with emotional tears and mixed feelings.  He felt like he was in a daze—not sure whether to laugh or cry or say something to console Kame or kiss him or something. So instead, he settled with just holding Kame and pressing him against his body—they stay like that for a long time, simply embracing and trying to erase all the time they had been apart from each other.

Neither of them had been paying attention so when dawn began her journey across the sky and sprinkles of sunshine invaded their sanctuary of darkness, Ueda pulled away just a little bit—extremely taken by surprise at how many hours had passed already.

Kame had taken ages to finally calm down and stop crying yet they still held each other that way—staying in the same position for hours.  How many hours, neither of them had any idea.  Ueda’s limbs had fallen asleep by the time he decided to finally pull away, both of their eyes swollen from crying all night and splotchy cheeks.  Ueda laughed as he ruffled Kame’s matted hair.

Kame cracked his first smile that day as he pulled the latter close a final time, wrapping his arms around Ueda and squeezing him so hard he felt like his ribs were going to burst. 

“I fucking missed you so much…” Kame blurted.

“Me too…” Ueda murmured into Kame’s hair.

Finally, Kame let go and peered curiously into Ueda’s eyes.  They were silent for a moment as time seemed to stop.

“I thought you were never coming back…why are you here?” Kame sniffled, more tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.

Ueda chuckled a bit and looked at him adoringly, “You are so silly…did you actually think I would leave you forever?”

But apparently that had been the wrong answer because Kames features contorted in obvious pain again as he whispered, “Yes.  I really thought you would, Ueda.”

Ueda reached out to stroke Kame’s hair as his gaze fell and his throat went dry.  He didn’t know how to answer this statement.  He didn’t expect Kame to really think Ueda would leave his best friends forever just like that.  He didn’t understand why his heart ached at all of this…it simply didn’t make any sense.

He looked at Kame and held the other’s gaze.  As if some kind of life-changing epiphany had hit him, Ueda gasped sharply and all his thoughts crashed together in a violent collision.

Now he definitely knew for sure.

Not only was his happiness here, but he belonged here.  And there was one more important thing he realized: he loved Kame.  He not only loved his as a brother, as a best friend, as a part of his family—but he also loved him in that way.  And he was so sure he of this confirmed fact he could almost strangle himself for being so fucking oblivious the entire time.

Kame’s forehead was pressed against Ueda’s lips as his arms hugged him into their millionth embrace.  He didn’t know how he would say this but he would do it somehow.

With his lips still lingering on Kame’s forehead, he shut his eyes and let the words come, “Kame…I could have just told you straight out the moment I called you.  I could have just told you.  But I thought it would be nice to surprise you…I didn’t know I would hurt you the way I did…honestly. I didn’t mean to…”

Kame stayed quiet for a second – probably unsure of how to reply to this.

“I don’t get it still, Ueda.  I don’t understand why you came back…? Where was it then, where was it that you found your happiness?” Kame whispered.

Ueda found himself chuckling out of disbelief again. 

“It’s here.  Here with you in my arms.  Here with the band.  Here in this room with you.  Here in Japan.  It’s here—it had always been.” Ueda finally confessed and then there was another silence as Kame stood still—probably processing this information.

Before Ueda could finish what he was about to say, there were wet eyelashes fluttering on his cheeks and tears that weren’t his own trailing down his face.  But most importantly, Kame’s smile of comfort was resting on Ueda’s lips and he could swear he could almost hear fireworks in the background.  He found his smile matching Kame’s as he shut his eyes and pressed Kame closer—everything was complete and he was surer than ever that this was where he was meant to find happiness—in Kame’s heart.

A couple fingers twined in Ueda’s tangled hair as the other hand cupped his ears and Kame almost literally kissed the living daylights out of him.  It smelled like strawberries and the smell of autumn—the scents he had missed so much during all those months he had been alone.

“And that was exactly what I meant when I said I had finally found the place where I belong,” Ueda laughed as Kame pulled away so they could breathe properly.

The words that were mouthed against his lips as Kame melted into him again made his heart flutter helplessly in his chest: “Good.  And don’t ever fucking leave like that again because now I know where I belong too—here.”

Ueda’s palm caressed Kame’s warm neck and their bodies crushed against each other; he would never leave again, even if Kame told him to.

Everything he went through led him back to the place he would always belong to: home. Home, and Kame’s arms.

And this time, he didn’t have to hope.

No, because this time?

He knew.

------------------------end kameda------------------------

A/N: Hey you guys, i forgot to say earlier that this is xlolitsnozomix's new FIC JOURNAL so please feel free to add it for updates. Also, make sure you read my Welcome Post/ Semi-friends Post before adding~ ^___^ there's like one important rule on there that you should know before adding me :D thank you(:

hey~!! hope u guys enjoyed this!! please leave comments~!<3 im sure yanni would appreciate them too (:
and...and..

HAPPY BIRTHDAAYYY UEDA~!!<33